My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
