her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
