hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
