I could make wine with my vomit
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just sent this text using only my big toe
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
