dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
