halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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