god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
thus making me awesome and them whores
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
