Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
