Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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