We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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