Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
