I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
