Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
