i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
