I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize