Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize