So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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