oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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