i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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