I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
