There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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