Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
