She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
