Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
