Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
