Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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