I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
