you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
