I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
