it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
