Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
