You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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