Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
