i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
