I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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