So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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