I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i was born a porn star she said
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
