This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
