I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
