That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
