Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize