Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
