Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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