Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
