So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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