Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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