I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
