Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
