when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
