My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
