five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
