How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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