I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
