i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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