That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
