Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
