i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
