John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
