There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
