I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Drunk is not a location!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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