I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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