I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
it's like heaven, but drunker
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
