he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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