Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
