??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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