YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
