i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
