How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize