somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize