Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
